Tag Archives: family

The real cost of idleness

In mid-March when there was rampant talk of how a national home lockdown would protect the populace from unrestrained spread of COVID, we wondered. Then came stunning announcements that churches would close indefinitely – with no gatherings, no public Masses, no sacraments – and it gave deeper cause for alarm. Daily TV and radio public service jingles rang like grating propaganda … “stay home, wash your hands, we’re all in this together.” It seemed worse than Orwellian. But ol’ George got it right with his dystopian prophecy.

Christine Valentine-Owsik

With months of many not going to work, to school, to play sports, to socialize, to visit family, to beaches or parks, or even to church, the fuse began to burn.

Nightly TV updates on the virus ‘progress’ were further anxiety causing, with constantly escalating tabulations flickering in the screen-corner, coupled with reports of economic plunge and depression rise.

What was worse than the avalanching job losses, closed schools, empty commercial districts, and traffic-less streets was the hidden idleness of so many youth. It made no front-page news, there were no photos, video clips, or interviews.

But idleness is like a geyser. Eventually it explodes.

Then we saw it. The perfect storm gave rise to tidal waves of riots – surges incited by the Minneapolis police brutality. ‘Peaceful protestors’ – bored kids, really – everywhere morphed into violent terrorizers, together for hours each night carousing for their cause, with a new night-out agenda after usual routines were yanked.

A parallel problem with youth idleness has been the lack of a civil moral code. The godlessness of the ‘nones’ birthed a moral anarchy – they flaunted causes like creeds to be imposed on all. The dearth of Godly confidence in their lives instead got usurped with flash-mob mania. Those authorities enabling horrific criminality only made it worse.

This is why the Catholic Church needs to remain continually present to all – health scare or not – so the faithful can spiritually recharge to shine as exemplars of the order of Christ, and others can come back, or for the first time. Lonely, under-fathered, unaffirmed kids need friendship, mentoring, and help from those who can offer hope. Elderly who are isolated need companionship, reassurance of God’s will for their lives, and practical assistance. The unemployed need immediate shoring up – financially, socially and spiritually – so they won’t default to withdrawal, abuse, despair, or suicide.

Kids thrown off normal routines need new ones – exhausting ones – in their place: rigorous coursework, manual labor, and tiring jobs – with an enforced discipline code. Parents with odd jobs that need doing can commission them to bored kids, even if they must first teach them the arduous process.

Busy, productive people are typically happy, fulfilled people willing to remain accountable for their lot. It’s not rocket science, just the nature of healthy soul and psyche. Finally, when we encounter someone reeling from raw disappointment and hardship, it’s the time to reacquaint him with the fatherly surety of Christ – our enduring Friend who extends His help, protection, and calming rightorder … simply for the asking.

CHRISTINE VALENTINE-OWSIK is Legatus magazine’s editor.

Evangelization springs from authentic faith of our fathers

Pope St. John Paul II provided Holy Mother Church with a great corpus that inspired, reaffirmed and evangelized Catholics in an era when everything seemed up for revision. Since then, the Church has moved forward with the New Evangelization, which isn’t so different from the first. Essentially, the Church must do what she does best — preach the gospel to all nations until the end of time using all the great resources she has at her disposal.

A well-known Catholic blogger often states, “Save the Liturgy — Save the World.” Indeed, ne’er a truer word be spoken. In liturgical celebrations where the focus is taken away from God, where we applaud each other and tell each other how great we are, something demonic is taking place. Authentic worship is distorted into something else, something banal and uninspiring.

Inevitably, people simply stop coming to Mass when they are no longer entertained or don’t feel the need for validation. Any deformation of the liturgy deforms the content of faith.

When the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass is done well-meaning that Father and his servers allow their personalities to fade into the background and each carries out his responsibilities well — the Mass draws people into the mystery of our salvation. Beautiful ceremonies lift man to higher things, impelling him to be more than he is. Heavenly mysteries, truly unable to be fully understood, never fail to fascinate the believer and gently draw the unbeliever to Christ’s Church.

Once drawn into the heart of the Church, the process of unpacking what the Church prays generates a conversion of living in earnest. While she has many well-established methodologies of doing this through her schools, CCD programs, RCIA programs, adult faith formation, and so on, the unfortunate reality is that most Catholics go through life with a sixth-grade education in the Faith. The majority tend to drop out after receiving the Sacrament of Confirmation. Statistically, barely 20 percent attend Holy Mass every Sunday and on holy days.

So where do most Catholics learn what they believe about God and the sacraments? Seemingly, significant numbers learn what they think they know through the mainstream media, which does a woefully poor job of explaining Church teaching, usually reporting doctrine incorrectly and almost always without the nuances that are important for understanding them.

True evangelization begins and is nourished within the family. Without the father, it is unlikely that a family will practice the Faith. As head of the household, the father sets the priorities of the household. Even if the father does not impede his wife, the heart of the household, in her own expression of the Faith, his children will take note that their father does not bow his head to God. For children, there is no more powerful witness than to see their father humbly kneel in the confessional or pray before St. Joseph.

In his catechesis on the Creed, Pope St. John Paul II stated that “Jesus is the only model of filial life directed toward, and united with, the Father.” Fathers model this for their children. It is through the silent example of their father and the loving encouragement of their mother that children learn the Faith and receive their understanding of who God is.

The Church needs to continue to turn her creativity to supporting Catholic families, and thereby to creating more deeply committed Catholics. She will keep them by offering a beautiful and worthy celebration of the divine mysteries. Ultimately, it is not a matter of programs; rather, it is the Church simply being faithful to who she is, and to him who is her head and bridegroom.

FATHER HAROLD McKALE, a priest of the Archdiocese of Philadelphia, is parochial vicar to Our Lady of Mount Carmel Parish in Doylestown, PA, and works with the Philadelphia Latin Mass community. He holds a B.S. in business from Millersville University, and M.Div. and M.A. degrees from St. Charles Borromeo Seminary in Philadelphia.

It is never ‘safe’ to imitate Christ

It is July 18, 1882. General Charles Pomeroy Stone, an American engineer in the employ of the Khedive Ismail of Egypt, has since July 6 been separated from his wife and their two daughters while the British – with but two days’ warning – bomb Alexandria. Stone is there with the Khedive. His small son John is alone on a frigate offshore. The rest of his family is in Cairo, 120 miles away. They do not know if the general is alive or dead. Rumors are all bad. The nation is on the brink of civil war.

On this day, the general’s eldest child, Frances (age 17), her sister, and a few Muslim servants walk to an English chapel nearby to fetch some books. The clergyman, to Frances’ disappointment, had abandoned his post. The Muslims take cushions from the seats to kneel on and pray while the girls go to the library. When they return, they find the servants looking curiously at the organ. So Frances sits down at it and plays “Nearer, My God, to Thee,” while the men listen, rapt.

“Poor fellows!” Frances writes. “They are such fine brave men, and do so long to see us safe with Papa. I wonder what [the Khedive’s challenger ‘Urabi] and his creatures would have said could they have looked in and seen a young Christian girl playing sacred music to two armed Mussulmans in a Christian church.”

What would we say?

The days have dragged on. “Death to the Christians!” they hear from outside. One faithful servant has pleaded with them to flee to the country to lodge with his family, in hiding. But Mrs. Stone remained firm. “I shall not run away from my servants like a coward,” she says, “and leave my house to be pillaged.” She insists upon waiting for word from the general. “I propose that we stay at home like brave women,” she says to her girls, “and live like Christians as long as we can.”

She reads to them from The Imitation of Christ: “It is good for us now and then to have some trouble and adversities, for oftentimes they make a man enter into himself, that he may know that he is in exile and may not place his hope in anything of this world.”

What those adversities were, we may gather from Mrs. Stone’s words on the 12th: “I want you to promise me to be patient, to be cheerful, and always brave. Go on with your studies, keep always busy, and trust to me to save you, if it is possible, when the worst comes.” They have firearms to hold off the enemy till the staff officers come, but if they do not, she says, “you can be brave and face death like good soldiers.”…

After many days of fear and privation, and strategy too – frustrating spies by conversing simultaneously with loyalists in English, Arabic, French, and Italian – they would be reunited with General Stone on August 9. “Fanny” Stone published the selections from her diary in The Century Magazine, June 1884, in language that for clarity and breadth of knowledge would be impressive for a college professor in our time.

I recount some of the story to make four observations.

First, courage is the foundational virtue; without it, the other virtues wither.

Second, courage finds good soil in the loyalty and obedience that Christian family life demands.

Third, the family is more powerful than we know, and that is why Satan hates it.

Fourth, it is never safe to imitate Christ, and it never will be.

DR. ANTHONY ESOLEN is a professor and writer-in-residence at Magdalen College of Liberal Arts in Warner, NH. He is author and translator of more than 20 books, including Defending Boyhood: How Building Forts, Reading Stories, Playing Ball, and Praying to God Can Change the World; Nostalgia: Going Home in a Homeless World; Out of the Ashes: Rebuilding American Culture; Ten Ways to Destroy the Imagination of Your Child; and Defending Marriage: Twelve Arguments for Sanity (St. Benedict Press).

Women with top focus

Ten percent of Legatus’ qualifying members are women. Three of them, Tillie Hidalgo Lima, Lisa Kazor-Christovich, and Pam Veldman, talked with Legatus Magazine about their professional journeys to the top. Although they have built impressive companies, all three agree that God and family are their greatest treasures.

Lightening Life Chores – For Better Business-As-Usual

Tillie Hidalgo Lima and her husband, Dave, are members of the Cincinnati Chapter. Tillie is the CEO of Best Upon Request (bestuponrequest. com), an on-site national concierge service provider for two business realms: for employers looking to improve employee recruitment, retention and engagement; and for healthcare providers, for improving their patients’ experience. It is a unique business that helps people to feel valued – serving employees, hospital patients, and pregnant/new mothers.

For employees, the service helps lighten outside responsibilities so they can better focus at work. It includes conveniences such as mailing packages, helping find a repairman, exchanging currency, taking a car in for an oil change, and much more. Non-medical patient concierge services help with things such as shopping for groceries for the family, buying and getting prescriptions, getting help with the admission process. The maternity concierge program for pregnant and new mothers helps with things from planning a baby shower to providing information on what to pack for the hospital.

Tillie worked for 13 years as a pharmacist and manager while their three daughters, Jessi, Natalie, and Sofia were young. Dave acquired the contracts of a concierge company that started in 1989 and then created the innovative concept of an employer-paid employeebenefit concierge program. “In ’96, he asked if I knew someone who was great with people and numbers, and gave me a wink,” Tillie explained.

She laughed and told him: “Dave, you can’t afford me.” However, they did indeed join forces. “My attention to quality, management experience, and looking out for customer well-being were a perfect fit.”

By 2002, Dave wanted Tillie to take over as the CEO. In 2003, BEST had 13 employees; now there are 135 in 44 on-site offices in 11 states. BEST became “Great Place to Work”-certified this year, and is receiving media attention and many awards.

Despite such success, Tillie’s heart was never far from home. In fact, the business has been a family affair. Their daughters would come by the office after high school and help out. Today, all three work at BEST. It was her daughter, Jessi, who developed the maternity concierge program. “She was able to deliver the Maternity Concierge proposal, then deliver her third baby,” Tillie explained.

Dave has taken on a behind-the-scenes role as a Holacracy coach, business advisor, and overall support person on the home front which includes picking up grandchildren after school. “I could not do what I do without him,” she said.

The two older daughters are married with children and everyone gathers most Sundays for family dinner with one strict rule: no business talk. Tillie’s Cuban-born parents, Alberto, 84, and Matilde, 79, often join them from Tampa, FL for the holidays. They came to the U.S. from communist Cuba to escape religious persecution when Tillie was just 10 months old. “My parents had friends shot by firing squads and put in prison,” she said. “There were many miracles of faith, courage, and love. My parents are my role models.”

Tillie’s personal values, the 7F’s, are “faith, family, friends, fitness, financial strength, freedom, and fun.” “Legatus provides a framework for us to grow in our faith,” she said. “Faith should determine how we live out our calling in every environment using the gifts we’ve been blessed with.”

Strong-Women-Led Company – With God First

Lisa Kazor-Christovich and her husband Dan belong to the Washington D.C. Chapter and have a blended family of six children and one grandchild. While Lisa was pregnant with her second child Jonathan, and her daughter Rebecca, was three, Savantage Solutions (www.savantage. net) was born in September of 1999. The company is an award-winning software development organization providing consulting, integration, technology, and support services to federal agencies. It has 100 employees with annual revenues approximating $17 million.

After college, with a degree in accounting, Lisa had gone to work for one of the big 8 firms and became the CFO. She created Savantage as a shell company and then merged a stock acquisition of one company and an asset acquisition of another. Her story of success includes healing from an abusive childhood and abusive first marriage. “When Rebecca was 18 months old,” she said. “I knew I had to figure out how I was going to change my life.” But then, she became pregnant with her son. “I went to therapy and started to sort my life out,” she said.

Lisa divorced when Rebecca was 5 and Jonathan 2. “I was a workaholic; it was my outlet,” she said. Her kids were often with her late at night at work. “I had a playpen and crib in my office; they would build playhouse in the cubicles.”

Four years after the divorce, Lisa met Dan at a conference. Dan was retiring from the Coast Guard and a friend of his who worked for Lisa made the introduction. “We’ve talked every day since,” she said. They married a year later in 2007 on a beach with a Baptist minister. After some church shopping together, Dan returned to the Catholic Church and Lisa went through RCIA. Their marriage was convalidated, after annulments.

Since Dan was retired, he not only helped me out at Savantage but also took care of the home front. “It was perfect,” Lisa said. “He managed our personal life and I had an assistant that managed the business side, so it maximized my ability to attend the kids’ events physically and mentally, too.”

Lisa considers the monthly Legatus meetings “a lovely spiritual date night.” She enjoys learning more about the faith and getting to know other Catholic business leaders. The value of giving back to the Church and community aligns perfectly with Savantage ideals. The company gives between 30- and 50-percent aftertax profits to charitable causes. “Just as we want to help our customers succeed, we also want to help our communities succeed,” Lisa said.

She credits Savantage’s success to God bringing so many of his “strong women” together—the leadership is 75 percent women. They even have a prayer chain at work. The company priorities are: God, family, work, and self, in that order. “And if you tend to prioritize yourself over God, family, and work,” Lisa said, “this probably isn’t the place for you.”

Building Family, Business, Faith On Sure Footing

Pam Veldman met her husband Bernie when they were teenagers. They now have five children (the youngest is in high school) and five grandchildren under the age of four. This year marks 20 years as co-owners of Dienen, Inc., Surestep (www.surestep.net) and Transcend Orthotics and Prosthetics (transcendop.com), specializing in orthotics and prosthetics for children. Pam is vice president/COO and Bernie is the president/ CEO. They are members of the South Bend Elkhart Legatus Chapter in Indiana.

While Bernie served in the military as a U.S. Army Ranger, Pam worked as a legal secretary. After four years of service, Bernie went to work for The Tire Rack in South Bend, IN, also owned by Legates. Four years later, he was recruited by his future brother-in-law, who owned and operated an orthotics and prosthetics business. Bernie managed the fabrication lab while Pam worked from home doing transcription and caring for their three young children.

Bernie soon became a certified prosthetist orthotist, able to fit patients with corrective and supportive devices. Coincidentally, at this time, they noticed their oldest son had severe pronation which affected how he ran. Bernie developed a unique custom lower leg brace that corrected his pronation and allowed flexibility to run, jump, and play. It became known worldwide as Surestep.

Pam and Bernie were able to buy one office of their brother-in-law’s practice with the goal of serving as many children as possible while marketing the Surestep brace. “We started with just the two of us and two employees,” Pam explained. “Bernie provided patient care and traveled around the U.S. educating on the benefits of Surestep, while I ran the office and had our fourth child.”

Three years and one child later they built their current office, initially with only 25 employees. Today, they have about 130 staff members in that same office and another 100 employees at 13 Transcend locations throughout the U.S. Their Surestep products are sold to thousands of companies in the U.S. and 33 countries around the world.

“I have worn many hats over the years,” Pam said, “from managing human resources, billing, accounts receivables, customer service, trainer, coordinator, facilities design, board member, decision maker, trouble shooter, even a little IT, but my favorite hat is as mom.”

Most of their children work for the business now, while Pam and Bernie are looking forward to scaling back one day.

“Having our once-a-month [Legatus] ‘date night’ with a focus on faith rejuvenates us,” she said. “We love the opportunity to share our faith and learn more about it, and how to better incorporate our faith in our work and home life. We have gone on pilgrimage to Italy which was amazing. The other pilgrims were so wonderful; we think about them often. I benefited from going on the Women’s Enclave retreat recently with other women Legates, and the kinship and immediate connectedness was wonderful.”

PATTI ARMSTRONG is a Legatus magazine contributing writer

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15 Shared Lessons

  1. Learn from mistakes, but keep emotions out.
  2. There is value in every movement, even the backward ones.
  3. Be generous in everything—time, money, knowledge, talent, etc. Isn’t that the best way to show gratitude to God for all He has bestowed?
  4. Build trust with the say-do ratio. Be transparent, authentic, and reliable. How you do one thing is how you do everything.
  5. Delight your team members, customers, and clients by anticipating their needs.
  6. Try your best, let God do the rest. Release and receive grace by embracing God’s plan for your life.
  7. Surround yourself with thought leaders – like a board of advisors, business coach, or CEO roundtable. Borrow brilliance. Iron sharpens iron, and asking for help is a sign of strength not weakness.
  8. Be a lifelong learner.
  9. As a CEO, be the Chief Encouragement Officer. Listen to your team, as they are sensors for your organization. Make people and culture your priority; results will follow.
  10. Follow the Platinum Rule: do unto others as they would want done unto them.
  11. Start your meetings with a mission moment.
  12. As long as you stay close to God through prayer, trust your instincts, even when those around you have more experience and advise you otherwise. If it doesn’t seem right, it probably isn’t.
  13. Trust God to put good people in your life and let them help you. You really don’t have to do it all alone.
  14. Look for God in the moment, not just in the rear-view mirror.
  15. If something needs attention as a team, get together and correct it. Don’t sit back and let things go undone.

Forgiveness And Faith

Legate’s friendship helped traumatized man find healing

Y.G. Nyghtstorm had experienced a difficult life: poverty, an abusive and broken home, sexual abuse, homelessness, suicide attempts, employment struggles, failed marriages, and a child’s death.

As a result, he struggled deeply with depression, anger, and lack of forgiveness for those who had wounded him.

But a chance meeting with North Georgia legate Mike Drapeau developed into a bond of friendship that led Y.G. on a path toward healing and full embrace of the Catholic Church.

And it all began with a cup of lemonade.

A TROUBLED JOURNEY

Y.G. – for Yahanseh George, but Y.G. “is easier for people to remember” – grew up in the Atlanta area as an only child of bickering parents. His father left while he was very young, only to return periodically for another violent fight. His mother grew increasingly hostile to Y.G. because he resembled his father.

In 1985, Y.G. attended a summer camp. There a counselor befriended the socially awkward 11-year-old, made sure he got involved in camp activities, and spoke with him about God and Catholicism. On the camp’s final day, he took Y.G. into a cabin and raped him, quoting Scripture as he did and telling Y.G. God would kill him if he ever told anyone.

Y.G. came away from the abuse hating himself. His relationships deteriorated. And he kept silent. Above all, he hated Christianity and especially the Catholic Church for what that “wicked man” had done to him.

At 18, Y.G.’s mother kicked him out of the house. He lived on the streets, surviving hunger, beatings, and muggings. He attempted suicide more than once. One day, a wealthy and elderly Good Samaritan stopped, took off his own argyle socks, put them on Y.G.’s bare feet, and told him: “As sure as these socks are covering your feet, young man, God will cover your life. Embrace God and go make a difference.”

That single act of kindness “ignited my soul for God,” Y.G. said. But sustaining faith was much more challenging.

Y.G. got off the streets, “got saved” in a Pentecostal church, and married a pastor’s daughter. That marriage dissolved after a few years and a couple of kids, and so did his faith. Depression made it difficult to keep a job. He married again, had more kids, and together he and his wife raised a blended family of seven children.

After his oldest stepson was killed in a workplace accident in 2008, his faith began to return. “I felt powerless and needed strength to support my family during this very difficult time,” Y.G. recalled. “My children needed their dad to be strong, and leading my family back to Christ helped us so much.”

Over the next several years, Y.G. and his wife, Toby, established a foundation in their late son’s name, opened a business, and became motivational speakers and radio co-hosts on life management, marriage, and parenting. But the issues of his past still haunted him. He knew he had to forgive those who had hurt him but could not bring himself do so.

Yet a small, still voice was speaking to him. “God was planting seeds in me about becoming Catholic,” Y.G. said. One night as he slept, he heard the voice of Christ tell him plainly: “I want you to become Catholic and help others who have been hurt in my Church.”

The experience startled him. “I jumped out of the bed drenched in sweat, and I was angry,” said Y.G. “I was livid that Christ would tell me to go to the very place that nearly destroyed me as a child. I literally cussed at God and said that he was lucky I didn’t burn down Catholic churches.”

LEMONADE DIPLOMACY

Several months later, in 2015, Y.G. was driving through a subdivision in Cumming, GA, when two little girls stepped into the street and flagged him down to sell him some lemonade.

Y.G. couldn’t resist the hard sell. He produced a quarter and drank a cup. Impressed by the girls’ entrepreneurship, he asked to meet the father who taught them such skills.

That’s when he met Mike Drapeau.

“He invited me into his home,” Y.G. recalled. “I am a large, 330-pound black man driving in a prestigious neighborhood, a little white girl beautifully smiles at me while selling me lemonade, and her dad invites me into his home while our country is still bickering over race relations. I am an open and inviting person, and it impressed me that Mike was the same way…. And he just happened to be Catholic.”

The two men talked about lemonade, work, life, and faith. At some point, Drapeau invited Y.G. to a meeting of his Regnum Christi prayer group. Y.G. graciously accepted.

Mike’s friendship “allowed me to open up to the possibility of learning more about Catholics, whom I had been hating for decades,” Y.G. said.

Y.G. returned home, prayed, and apologized to God for the bitterness he had felt. “I was still adamant about not becoming Catholic, but I agreed to be open-minded,” he said.

Within that Catholic prayer group, he found compassion, acceptance, and healing. He also began drawing closer to the Church.

“Mike and the other good men of the faith showed a lot of love to me,” he said. “Their families embraced my family while Christ was ministering to me and comforting me the entire time. I had to finally put down my ego, let go of my pain, trust God, and forgive the Church.”

Drapeau said that although the group was “a pretty stable group of guys” that had been meeting for more than 15 years, they welcomed Y.G. with open arms. “He was definitely a breath of fresh air,” he said.

Drapeau marveled at Y.G.’s progress through the group.

“Part of the methodology is to not only break open the Gospels but also to study aspects of Catholic history, spirituality, theology, and apologetics,” he explained. “So week by week he encountered that. Sometimes he listened. Sometimes he reacted. Sometimes he was stupefied. But always he came back. And, little did we know, he was systematically knocking down his prejudices and misperceptions about the Catholic Church as he interacted with us.”

RESTORATION

Ultimately, Y.G. did more than just forgive the Catholic Church: in January 2018, he was received into the faith at St. Brendan’s Church in Cumming.

“It was an amazing Mass,” recalled Drapeau, who was Y.G.’s confirmation sponsor. “The entire parish appeared to know him, and they all clapped. It was a powerful moment for those in attendance.”

Drapeau said he and Y.G. have a “close personal relationship” and have participated together in charitable endeavors, mission trips, and the National March for Life.

Y.G. said that with his Catholic friends’ encouragement, he has reached out to his mother in reconciliation. He has even forgiven the “wicked man” and what he came to represent.

“I carried around unforgiveness in my heart against the Catholic Church for over 30 years,” he said. “What started with one wicked Catholic man snatching away my self-worth and power when I was a child has transcended into a life of unimaginable power as I am loved by a group of Catholics that helped me in more ways than I can count.”

Gerald Korson is a Legatus magazine staff writer.

Real-life thorns of a pro-life family

How in the world does an active family of eight, with children from teen to toddler, actually practice stillness?

 I’ll tell you.

You shift your thinking. Make it as much of a priority in your family as scheduling band camp and soccer tournaments, piano lessons, and ACT prep courses. Almost every saint heard God in the quiet, not on the loudspeaker at a cheer competition. Participating in extracurriculars or volunteering in your community are all good and often holy endeavors as our children learn important skills such as teamwork, time management, goal setting, problem solving, and conflict resolution. But if we desire peace and purpose, we must make room for God’s love. How can He shine His light in if we insist He fit into our packed schedules?

Everything does have a cost; you just have to decide what currency you’re going to use and how high a price you are willing to pay 

Newsflash: living a life with purpose and intention will not be popular. Friends may beg you to join the crazy fray once again, or they will sigh and wistfully share that they wish they could live your carefree life, but they are just too busy. Don’t get sucked into the lie, y’all. If you are a slave to your life, it’s because you choose to be.

Leave it to St. Francis de Sales, a 16th-century saint, to have advice applicable five centuries later: 

Don’t sow your desires in someone else’s garden; just cultivate your own as best you can; don’t long to be other than what you are, but desire to be thoroughly what you are. Direct your thoughts to being very good at that and to bearing the crosses, little or great, that you will find there. Believe me, this is the most important and least understood point to the spiritual life. We all love according to what is our taste; few people like what is according to their duty or to God’s liking. What is the use of building castles in Spain when we have to live in France?

Or, as we say in Texas, don’t hang your wash on someone else’s line. 

Our family learned from our mistakes of overdoing life. We learned that the view from the land of busy isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Yes, every once in a while we’re tempted to jump back in that lane for a fleeting second. Then we pause, look heavenward, and do a family check. Is this serving God, or it is serving our egos? Are we doing this in the name of “preparing our kids for college applications,” or are our motives honest and true?

Excerpt used with permission from Live Big, Love Bigger: Getting Real with BBQ, Sweet Tea, and a Whole Lotta Jesus, by Kathryn Whitaker (Ave Maria Press, 2019). From chapter entitled “And other lies we tell ourselves,” pp. 119-121. www.avemariapress.com 

KATHRYN WHITAKER is a Legate in the Austin Chapter, Catholic author, blogger, speaker, and freelance graphic designer. A sixth-generation Texan, she was raised an evangelical Protestant, converting to Catholicism on the eve of her wedding. She has appeared in USA Today, Iowa Catholic Radio, The Son Rise Morning Show, Relevant Radio, and is a regular guest on The Jennifer Fulwiler Showon SiriusXM. Kathryn and her husband, Scott, live with their family in Austin, Texas. teamwhitaker.org

Summit speakers reveal how families can restore culture

JASON AND CRYSTALINA EVERT KEEP CHASTITY MESSAGE RELEVANT TO YOUTH

The January 2020 Legatus East Summit is set to feature renowned chastity speakers Jason and Crystalina Evert as masters of ceremonies. Each is also expected to deliver an individual chastity talk.

Jason and Crystalina Evert – who have been married for 15 years and have seven children – have spoken about the virtue of chastity on six continents, to more than one million people. They have also co-written more than 15 books

Currently living in Arizona, they have also co-founded the Chastity Project and operate the website chastity. com. Jason recently spoke with Legatus magazine.

What are your talks going to be about at the 2020 Legatus Summit? 

G.K. Chesterton once said that the family is a cell of resistance to oppression. God wanted to bring redemption into the world through the Holy Family. God wants to continue to restore culture and heal culture by means of the family. We’re going to address how much the family is under attack and how big a crisis we’re seeing in the culture, in the Church, and in the family, and how Legatus members can bring renewal to the Church primarily through their families.

What are your thoughts about Legatus?

I think Legatus s is a crucial ministry within the Church. It’s a real gift to see how people can take their spirituality and bring it into a secular setting, not to proselytize their employees but to be a leaven in the world. I’ve been impressed with the Legates I’ve met, their interior life, and how seriously they take their Catholic faith.

How did you get into chastity speaking?

When I was in college at Franciscan University of Steubenville, I led many high school retreats and became aware of the struggles that young people were having there. I also did three years of crisis pregnancy counseling where I was in front of an abortion clinic, talking to women about other alternatives to abortion. But when you’re meeting a woman who’s having an abortion in 45 minutes, you start to feel pretty late. Why am I meeting her in front of an abortion clinic? Why can’t I meet her when she’s 15 years old? Because if she can understand chastity and real love then, then she probably would have never dated this guy to begin with, and wouldn’t be in this difficult situation.

After 21 years of chastity speaking, how do you keep the message fresh?

By listening to the young people. After every assembly, I make myself available as long as I can to be with them. I told one school, “Hey, I’ll be here if you have any questions afterwards,” and the students formed a line seven hours long. They would come up and just pour out all the details of their abortions, molestation, cutting, and addictions. They’re my professors. Their hearts are what I’m listening to, and that is why I think the teens relate to me.

Are kids today different than when you started speaking about chastity?

Kids today are up against a lot more. You look at everything from cell phones, Internet porn and sexting, which wasn’t on the radar two decades ago, to the question of gender, which was not something that kids wrestled with to this degree. All the chaos of what it even means to be human wasn’t nearly at the levels that it is today

Are you and Crystalina working on anything new?

We’re going to be releasing a lot more YouTube videos. We’re building a little TV studio in the house. I can’t believe how many kids come up to me and say, “Your talk changed my life.” I’ll ask where they saw the talk, and they’ll say, “YouTube.” From our generation, I don’t know too many people who have had YouTube conversions. But these kids live on their phones. So we’ve got to find effective means to bring them the Gospel where they are.

Evangelizing extended family hands on life-enriching gift of faith

Today, even secular media are heralding the importance of family to the well-being of children. We see advertisements advocating for the family dinner table. While they may also be trying to promote certain food products, the message is clear: the wellbeing of children rests on the well-being of the family. The Church always has known this: each of us is part of the Body of Christ and if one of us suffers, we all suffer (1 Corinthians 12:26). She also speaks of the family as the domestic Church, and of parents being the first preachers of faith to their children (Lumen Gentium, II, 11). But so much seems to be getting in the way: school projects; soccer and basketball games and practice, even on Sunday; both parents needing to work long hours, missing family meals and the opportunity to say grace before meals together; faith-filled grandparents being hundreds of miles away; cell phones disrupting family time together; and social media even replacing family as the source of faith and strength for children.

Faith, the cornerstone for living, always has been passed on by one generation to the next. But in today’s mobile society the standard form of family is the nuclear family. And that family size continues to get smaller, and children can be denied the great gift of another brother or sister. This can breed a false sense of self-sufficiency with the resulting sense of social isolation, despite parents and children being thoroughly exhausted from efforts to be members of the local and business communities. The gift of being part of the healing Body of Christ is not recognized. What can be done to build up the family, the domestic Church, and to support the family’s role in passing on the faith?

Methods of social communication can help, with grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins using such communication media as Skype and FaceTime. But are they ever used to pass on the faith? Do families use them to pray together while miles apart? We are encouraged to tell each other we love each other, as we end conversations, but do we bless each other? Are diverse vocational roles recognized among family members: married, single, clergy, consecrated life? Is the rich potential of grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins, with their ability to be evangelizers to young family members, recognized, or are they also socially isolated, even by choice? They also need to experience the gift of being part of the Body of Christ.

We may fear to speak of faith to family members and others because of fear of being alienated by loved ones. There are simple ways to pass on the gift of faith. And who can object to a simple, “God bless you; I am praying for you”? Efforts need to be made to be present to each other, if possible, even if only at some holidays. A strong witness is a beloved grandparent going to church at such times.

When family members are present in our homes, there is evangelization in saying grace before meals with each other, even if family members choose to be silent witnesses to it. And the most important is the gift of love we share with each other, as each baptized person is part of the Body of Christ, even when not recognized by some. And what children experience, they will mimic in adult life and in their own nuclear families. That is how they will or will not pass on the life-sustaining and life-enriching gift of faith.

MARIE HILLIARD, MS, MA, JCL, PH.D., RN, is senior fellow at The National Catholic Bioethics Center. She has an extensive background in nursing, medical ethics and public policy (and is the former director of the CT Catholic Conference). She is a canon lawyer, co-chairs the Ethics Committee of the Catholic Medical Association, is president of the National Association of Catholic Nurses USA, and is a Colonel (Ret.) in the U.S. Army Reserve, where she served as RN for over 20 years. Having published extensively, she has likewise won Catholic Press Association award recognition.

Financial advisor-turned-custodian sings Catholic camp praises

For each of the last six summers, our family has traveled from New Jersey to the scenic Lakes region of New Hampshire. There, our daughter has attended Camp Bernadette and our sons, Camp Fatima. These camps, opening in 1953 and 1949, respectively, have enhanced the spiritual formation of our children with a simplistic joy that radiates into our home.

Driving into the camp envelops in me a nostalgic feeling of yesteryear. I’m brought back to my youth, where I see kids playing outside from sunup until sundown. The campers play on fields and ropes courses, they shoot baskets and archery, ride horses, climb rock walls, play tennis, swim, boat, and much more. They play with no ear buds, no cell phones, and no remotes in their hands. The kids talk with one another face-to-face with no blue screen in front of them. Together, away from technology and other secular evils that creep into our daily lives, campers and counselors live in community and fellowship in God’s beautiful creation. They have an opportunity to participate in Rosary Club, adoration, and Reconciliation, and they join in community sharing prayers, meals, and Mass.

In 2017, after four years of watching our children thrive as children of God in a setting reminiscent of my childhood in the ‘70s and ‘80s, where people understood our beautiful faith and were not afraid to express it, I found myself yearning to be a part of it. I reached out to executive director Michael Drumm, expressing an interest in getting more involved intimately to help fulfil the camps’ mission of providing a fun and engaging outdoor experience where campers and staff learn new skills and grow in faith, confidence, and friendship in a joyful Catholic community offering a sense of belonging for all. I was given the opportunity to volunteer in the maintenance department for two weeks.

Like anything that brings deep joy and meaning to our lives, describing the emotions I feel while volunteering at Camp Fatima each summer is difficult. Camp is a place where I see the charisms of faith, hope, and charity exuded by staff and campers alike. During Mass, prayer, and teaching, I witness a joyful participation and am filled with exultation and hope for our children and this generation.

The camps fall under the Diocese of Manchester Catholic Schools’ Office and are open to children of all faiths. Approximately 70 percent of the over 1,600 campers who attended camp in 2018 attend public schools. Camp may be the only time during the year they are purposefully anchored in a Catholic surrounding receiving doctrinal teaching and encountering our Living God in their everyday lives. Here, campers play and learn alongside practicing Catholics (campers and counselors), seminarians, their chaplain, and Sr. Bernadette.

Last summer, I spoke with one mom who said her daughter doesn’t feel comfortable in her school environment where she is made fun of for being a “church kid.” She said her daughter is not comfortable sleeping outside of her home, but that she LOVES camp and believes it should be a boarding school. Another mom said it was a place where her son started saying the rosary and now walks regularly with his Bible. Counselors and staff will tell you that it is not uncommon to see campers wearing their Fatma and Bernadette crosses (given to them on the last night of camp) months after the camping season has ended.

The seeds that are planted at camp have brought forth a harvest as well. Many campers and staff have deepened their faith, been baptized, gone through RCIA, been confirmed, and fully initiated into our Catholic faith. Some have entered seminary and become ordained priests, shepherding the many who have gone on to live out their vocations as married couples raising the future generation of our Church.

Our children have shared in the joy of an authentic Catholic community, they have made friends who embrace our shared faith, they are stronger evangelists in their everyday world. Three summers ago, when we shared that I would be volunteering at camp, our children were less than excited that I would be entering their own oasis of joy. Today, we plan with an eagerness for this shared experience where they will have fun and play, and I will be on the sidelines hammering, nailing, and painting and knowing that the Holy Spirit is alive and well at camp.

LEGATE BRIAN DEANE, Newark Chapter, is married to his high school sweetheart, Janine Butz. They live in Saddle River, New Jersey with their three children, Julianne, Kevin, and Sean. Brian is founder of Apostolic Financial Advisers LLC, and can be reached at Brian@ApostolicFa.com.

When Pro Athletes Evolve from Sports to Business

Every professional athlete knows his playing days will eventually come to an end. Most try to put that conclusion off as long as possible, but former Jacksonville Jaguars’ Pro-Bowl linebacker Paul Posluszny freely chose to retire in April of 2018. Despite the Jaguars nearly making it to the Super Bowl three months previously — they lost to the New England Patriots by four points in the AFC Championship — Posluszny knew his own playing days were over.

The 34-year-old father of two holds high standards—he has won many awards and was even named to the Pro Bowl in 2013—so he was not content with merely remaining on a roster. “After the conclusion of the 2017-18 season, I knew my career as a professional athlete was complete. I didn’t want that to be true, but my body had reached a point that I could no longer function at a level I would find acceptable to play in the NFL.”

Posluszny’s high standards, along with his longtime interest in aviation, led him to start flight training in 2013, long before his athletic career wound down. The Pittsburgh-area native knew he would have to move on from the game at some point, so started learning how to fly a plane even at the height of his personal success in football. It was at his flight training that he met the Malone family, who owns Malone Air Charter. The company, based in Jacksonville, Florida, is where Posluszny is currently being trained as an airplane mechanic.

STARTING AGAIN

“Aviation is my passion,” Posluszny said, “so I want to learn all aspects of the industry, starting with the planes themselves, and then moving into corporate management and decision-making skills.” He plans to pursue an MBA, starting in the fall of 2019, at one of three schools—the University of Michigan, the University of Florida, or Carnegie Mellon University—to add to his aviation experience and his undergraduate finance degree from Penn State University.

While Posluszny wants to make a positive impact in the aviation industry, he is not sure of the specifics once graduate school is completed. In the meantime, he is enjoying the learning process and using the same general philosophy that worked for him in football: faith in God, hard work, and servant leadership.

“Father Andy Blaszkowski, who offered Mass for the Jaguars’ players and other team personnel, would talk about servant leadership.” Posluszny said. Jesus, the greatest servant leader ever, did not come to be served, but to serve, and Posluszny recommends that contribution centered mentality in order to be successful in any endeavor.

Posluszny has found his current workplace to share the same values he heard Father Blaszkowski emphasize. “The corporate culture of the Malone family is deeply rooted in the principles of servant leadership, humility, and integrity. They are a truly outstanding family, and the Christian principles of hard work, honesty, and helping others is prevalent throughout the organization.” 

TENDING A NEW FIELD

Former professional baseball player Bobby Keppel has also been able to carry his Catholic faith and sports industry experience into a new field of work. What most players would consider a heartbreaking setback, Keppel took as a simple transition out of baseball and into landscaping. The ground work for his ability to peacefully accept the unforeseen event was laid many years previously, as he had been taught to put family before personal ambition.

In the year 2000 as a senior at De Smet Jesuit High School in St. Louis, Missouri, Keppel was selected by the New York Mets in the first round of the MLB draft. He worked his way through the minor leagues and made his MLB debut with the Kansas City Royals in 2006. He then played for the Colorado Rockies and Minnesota Twins before lending his skills to a Japanese team for four years. By the spring of 2014, he was more than ready to become a starting pitcher for the Cincinnati Reds.

Then the unexpected happened.

Bobby’s father, Curt, who was battling cancer, called and asked his son if he could come back to St. Louis to help run the family’s landscaping business, Mid-America Lawn Maintenance. Because the company’s contracts are year-to-year and most of its workers are seasonal, selling the business as a whole was not an option. The only other option was dismantling the business and selling off its equipment.

 RETURNING TO HELP DAD

Most players would have found it extremely difficult to choose between living their Major League dream and coming home to help the family business. However, Keppel was sure what he wanted to do. “I knew that family comes first, even before big career advancement that had taken years to secure. I wouldn’t have been in the position I was in for 2014 spring training had it not been for my father. He helped me out in countless ways through the years, so when he needed my help, I was happy to give it,” Keppel explained.

The right ordering of human interaction, or subsidiarity, is a big theme for Keppel, one that he recently addressed at a men’s conference at St. Joseph Church in Cottleville, Missouri. The father of seven emphasized to the men present that there is a distinct hierarchy that should determine who receives the most attention from them. He explained: “Of course, God is most deserving of our attention, but after Him, a man’s wife should be his first priority, followed by his children, other family members, neighbors, fellow parishioners, and then business associates.”

RUN BUSINESS BY PUTTING IT LAST 

Keppel does not think this order is detrimental to running a business well. On the contrary, he believes it is the proper philosophy for productivity and happiness. “These days you sometimes hear people say their jobs do not ‘fulfill’ them. I think they have it backward. We shouldn’t look to our jobs for obtaining happiness; we should bring the happiness we have found in the Church into our jobs. It’s a mindset of contribution rather than extraction.”

 Continuing on the theme of putting value into the work, Keppel uses baseball analogies with his father in the landscaping business. The elder Keppel is seen as the general manager of the team who makes the big decisions about contracts and personnel, while the younger Keppel is the manager who makes day-to-day decisions about which “players to put in the lineup on the field.” 

Although Bobby Keppel studied business at the University of Notre Dame during three off-seasons early in his playing career, he has not used much of what he learned. “Maybe if I were in another business, the schooling would come in handy, but in landscaping, it’s a matter of common sense. You treat others as you would want to be treated, charge a reasonable price for the work, pay a reasonable wage to the workers, and so forth. No advanced training is needed; you just need to have the resolve to do the job well.”

 KEEPING THE LORD’S DAY

Some of the basic values Keppel has found to be essential for doing the job well are showing up for work on time and giving one’s best effort every day—except Sunday. Keppel keeps the traditional understanding of the Sabbath as a time of rest.

There have been Sundays on which the company has been open because of weather-induced maintenance backups, but it is nearly always a time of rest from work and reverence toward God. “God makes the Commandments of relating to Him and others,” Keppel said, also noting that “There will always be challenges to deal with, but If we follow God’s commands, things go more smoothly at home and at work.”

TRENT BEATTIE is a Legatus magazine contributing write