Key to a happy husband? Bring on the salted codfish

The plain-looking book with the missing dust jacket, published in 1917 and seductively titled A Thousand Ways to Please a Husband, was too good a garage-sale bargain to pass up for 50 cents. 

Penned by Louise Bennett Weaver and Helen Cowles LeCron, my prized acquisition turned out to be a cookbook disguised as a quaint episodic novel, complete with chirpy dialogue and cheesy illustrations. The story revolves around the culinary exploits of a young bride named Bettina and how she studiously follows the adage that “the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.” 

Does the Book of Sirach allude to this when it says, “A gracious wife delights her husband, her thoughtfulness puts flesh on his bone” (26:15)? If so, those of us who carry ample evidence of our wives’ graciousness and thoughtfulness around our waistlines can point to Scripture to justify our expanded profiles. 

Bettina is not today’s politically correct woman. She is queen of her kitchen, or what might derisively be termed a “Stepford wife.” She lives to serve her husband Bob, and her gift is knowing precisely what dish to prepare for every occasion. 

Bob brings home unexpected dinner guests on short notice? Not a problem – Bettina whips together Potatoes Anna, baked stuffed green peppers, and cottage pudding to satisfy hungry hearts. Just finished spring cleaning? Have some broiled steak, French-fried potatoes, and orange tapioca. Cousin Matilda drops in? Serve little chocolate cakes made from dry bread crumbs. Celebrating a friend’s engagement? Fish á la Bettina, rice cakes, stuffed tomato salad, and blueberry tarts comprise the perfect meal.

If in a bind, Bettina can conjure something from her “emergency shelf,” which includes canned pimentos, dried beef, marshmallows, and salted codfish. (Personally, I have never experienced any emergency that called for pimentos or salted codfish, but perhaps somebody has.)

Bob, for his part, is relatively useless in the kitchen, his skills limited to making popcorn balls or mixing salad dressing in a Mason jar. He does little else but work his 9-to-5 job and offer trite praise for Bettina’s cooking. But Bettina loves him and seems happy anyway.

This page-turner ends with Bob and Bettina marking a quiet first wedding anniversary at home, cooing at each other over Charlotte Russe parfait. Such a cliffhanger simply begs for a sequel, and Bettina fans surely were thrilled as several spinoffs (such as Bettina’s Best Salads) soon followed.

But marital happiness requires more than a cookbook. The Catholic view suggests it derives from living the marriage vocation itself. Motivated by divine love, spouses engage in self-giving and self-sacrifice for each other in a way that reflects the love between Christ and His Church. That is the source of true joy in marriage. 

But if a well-curated meal served with self-giving love will please a spouse and enhance marital bliss, go for it. Bettina’s got the recipes.