Even chaste cohabitation risks mortal sin and its near occasion

“BUT IMMORALITY AND ALL impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is fitting among saints. Let there be no filthiness, nor silly talk, nor levity, which are not fitting; but instead let there be thanksgiving. Be sure of this, that no immoral or impure man, or one who is covetous (that is, an idolater), has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God. Let no one deceive you with empty words, for it is because of these things that the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience.” (Eph 5:3-6)

“Inordinate love of the flesh is cruelty, because under the appearance of pleasing the body, we kill the soul.” — St. Bernard of Clairvaux

There’s an old, wise maxim that goes something like this: “The breaking of the rules before marriage will naturally lead to the breaking of the rules after marriage.” It has also been said, “Fornication before marriage will likely lead to adultery after marriage.” Saint Augustine states: “The Apostle Paul tells us that the fruits of the works of the flesh are: fornication, uncleanness, lust, idolatry, and enmity. The fruits that will identify the good tree are: charity, joy, peace, benignity, faith, meekness, and continence.”

Augustine, who himself suffered from a lust addiction for many years and tells us all about it in his famous Confessions, also says, “The freedom of the will is then true freedom when it does not serve vices and sins.”

But what if the couple is living chastely? What if the couple is not having premarital relations?

Let’s say they’re living together chastely for the sake of cutting down on expenses—for the consolidating of bills — and that they’re planning on getting married in the future. Is it then okay for them to live together before marriage, without the benefits of the marriage covenant? The answer is simply no, and this answer makes good, logical sense.

As faithful Catholics, we already know that the sin of fornication (sexual relations before marriage) is displeasing to Almighty God. And if done with full knowledge and deliberate consent, it is a mortal sin. But even in a chaste relationship, there is the question of all of the beautiful “mystery” that the marriage covenant brings with itself. If such mysteries (whether sexual or non-sexual) are all discovered before marriage, then the couple, once married, will begin their covenantal union with no foundation on which to build its success. The old adage “familiarity breeds contempt” comes to mind here.

Even more, why would someone take the risk of putting himself or herself in a position to sin? In other words, why play by the edge of the cliff if you don’t want to fall off the cliff?

Remember: as Catholics, we know that we’re called not only to avoid sin, but also to avoid what are called the “near occasions” of sin — those persons, places, or things that can lead us to sin. Living together — or cohabitation — puts one at grave risk of just that. To move in together is simply not a wise move at all, nor is it pleasing to Almighty God.

Father Wadel Menezes is the assistant general of the Fathers of Mercy, a missionary preaching order in Auburn, KY, and host of EQTN Radio's Open Line Tuesday. This article is exerpted and adapted from Fr. Menezes new book, "Catholic Essentials: A Guide to Understanding Key Church Teachings"