Conversation starters for evaluating mental health with friends, colleagues

It's been a challenging few years. For a lot of people, their mental health took a beating. Many professionals dealing with anxiety, stress, and depression do not feel comfortable asking for help from their peers. If you suspect someone might be having a hard time, here are a few strategies you can employ to start a conversation.

1. Open with something other than mental health.

Simply check in. Ask them how they are doing. Ask how their work and social life are. By primarily reaching out to catch up, you’re creating space for your friend to share and receive the support they need. Starting out with a general, light-hearted topic of conversation can help to make your friend feel more comfortable about opening up.

2. Recognize they’re going through a hard time.

If you know your friend or colleague has been through a difficult time, acknowledge this. For example, you might say: “I’m aware you’ve been dealing with a lot of pressure at work or at home. How are you feeling?” By recognizing they are going through a rough time, it can give them an opportunity to talk about it and feel supported.

3. Tell them you care.

If you aren’t sure how you can help, just letting them know that you want to help is a positive way to get the conversation going. You could say, “I know things are difficult for you at the moment. I want you to know that I care, and I’m here for you.”

There is tremendous value in simply listening to someone; it ensures a fundamental human need is being met. Dealing with mental health struggles can feel very lonely, so listening, giving the individual time and space, and simply stating that you are there for them can make a world of difference (even if you don’t see it).

4. Offer your help and support.

Dealing with mental health issues can feel all-encompassing, and even simple tasks can feel unmanageable. Offer practical help and support, like helping with a work project or running an errand. Small acts of kindness like this can make a huge difference to someone who is feeling overwhelmed and helps lessen the pressure. You may even find these actions naturally lead to a conversation about how they are doing.

5. Avoid giving advice – this is critical!

While it might seem helpful to offer advice based on your own personal experiences, if you’re not a mental health professional it may not be appropriate to give advice. Stay focused on them, as opposed to talking about your own stories.

We all process our thoughts, feelings and emotions in our own unique ways, so instead of advice, consider suggesting options for support.
You might ask, “Have you considered talking to someone about how you’re feeling?” If you share a spiritual tradition, perhaps offer to pray with the person.

6. Let them know you are a long-term advocate.
Just as physical healing takes time, people need time when going through mental health challenges, and one way you can honor this is by letting them know you’ll be there in the weeks and months to come. You can say, “I’m here if you need to talk—whether it’s today, tomorrow, or another time that suits you.”

RICHARD H. CARTABUKE, M.D., specializes in internal medicine and geriatrics at the Cleveland Clinic and is medical director of the Healthnetwork Foundation.