The importance and challenge of fatherhood: thank your dad for showing you 'tough love'

I am always excited for the month of June. It reminds me of the feeling you had as a child for the end of the school year. the beginning of summer gives everyone a sense of happiness and thoughts of vacations to come. Not only is June personally special because I celebrate my own birthday, but also for the celebration of Father’s Day. 

Father’s Day reminds us about both the importance and the challenges of fatherhood. Traditionally, parents are put into different cultural roles. Mothers are nurturing and intimate; fathers are stern and disciplinarian. As we know, these are really interchangeable traits. Just because a father may dole out punishments doesn’t mean that there isn’t love behind these actions.

One of the most lasting examples of this is in the parable of the prodigal son. When the younger son returns after having lost all of his inheritance, the father welcomes him home with open arms and a feast. The older son is hurt by this action and considers it to be a sign of his father’s lack of love for him. It is a very diffcult role for fathers to have to be both disciplinarian and compassionate.

On this Father’s Day, I remember my dad, Sergio, who was joyous and gregarious, the life of the party. At the same time, he was hardworking and demanding. Through our family’s Italian restaurant, Portofino, I had the unique and cherished experience of working side by side with my father for many years. I also reflect upon how my father worked alongside his father before me as well. Family businesses can cause stress and strain, but today I am left only with the positive and loving moments of our time together. I can remember my father telling me stories of my grandfather in the same way.

Now that I am a father of two grown children, I reflect on how special and meaningful the time of parenting can be. With infants, you are consumed with their care and concerned that you will be a good role model. With young children, you need to provide more structure and guidance. When your kids grow up, you hope that they can make wise decisions on their own. Now that they are moving out, you realize how fleeting this time was together. 

So, to celebrate this day, remember that if you consider your father to be stern and remote, one who doles out “tough love,” it is love that is coming through. Now is the time to show him an abundance of attention, praise, and acknowledgement, even to the point of embarrassment — because once he is gone, you will not have that opportunity again. He will love it, and so will you.

Chef Richard Micheli is chef-owner at The Portofino Resaurant in Arlington, VA